Facebook Post by Umm Khalid Regarding Husband and Wife relationship

https://www.facebook.com/UmmKhalidMuslimMom/posts/1362692267256413

I make my husband his coffee. I cook his meals. I do his laundry. I stay home and raise and educate our children. I run our home and take care of my husband and children.
And I love it.
I love serving my husband and children. It brings me joy and satisfaction to bring them joy and satisfaction.
For his part, my husband takes care of me. He provides for me financially 100%, as the sole provider. He protects me. He shows me attention and gives me companionship and affection. He raises our children and is a strong role model for them الحمد لله. He is the leader of our family and we happily follow and obey him.
And when I need help carrying out my tasks because I'm tired or cranky or didn't sleep well the night before, he steps in voluntarily and does my stuff on top his own, without my even having to ask.
I don't subscribe to the widespread feminist notion that marriage is a 50-50 egalitarian partnership between two identical individuals.
I subscribe to the Islamic idea that marriage is a beautiful relationship between a man and a woman, each distinct in nature and in role. We each have our own sphere, our own rights and responsibilities.
I am perfectly happy with this arrangement الحمد لله.
Because I never pay any bills or worry about dealing with those domains. I never worry about the maintenance of the house. I don't do maintenance or yard tasks in the heat during Ramadan, or at any other time.
Those tasks would be hard for me. Taxing. Burdensome.
My own tasks, on the other hand, alhamdulellah come naturally to me. They can sometimes be exhausting and stressful. So can his.
Allah has created us with different natures and given each of us the tools for the optimal performance of our distinct roles.
When roles are not clearly defined and instead left ambiguous, the problems start. The uncertainty about each person's duties creates tension, ambivalence, and ultimately, misery.
Umamah bint Al-Haarith Ash-Shaybany gave her daughter this advice on her wedding night:
أمامة بنت الحارث الشيباني توصي ابنتها ليلة زفافها:
أي بنية: إن الوصية لو تركت لفضل أدب لتركت ذلك لكِ ، و لكنها تذكرة للغافل ومعونة للعاقل.. ولو أن امرأة استغنت عن الزوج لغنى أبويها وشدة حاجتهما إليها كنتِ أغنى الناس عنه، ولكن النساء للرجال خلقن ولهن خلق الرجال.
أي بنية : إنك فارقت الجو الذي منه خرجتِ ، وخلفتِ العش الذي فيه درجتِ إلى وكر لم تعرفيه ، وقرين لم تألفيه ، فأصبح بملكه عليكِ رقيبا ومليكا ، فكوني له أمة يكن لكِ عبداً وشيكا..
واحفظي له خصالاً عشراً يكن لك ذخراً..
أما الأولى والثانية:
فالخشوع له بالقناعة وحسن السمع له والطاعة.
وأما الثالثة والرابعة:
فالتفقد لموضع عينه وأذنه..
فلا تقع عينه منكِ على قبيح ولا يشم منكِ إلا أطيب ريح..
وأما الخامسة والسادسة:
فالتفقد لوقت منامه وطعامه.
فإن تواتر الجوع ملهبة ، وتنغيص النائم مغضبة..
وأما السابعة والثامنة:
فالاحتراس بماله والإرعاء على حشمه وعياله..
وملاك الأمر في المال حسن التقدير ، وفي العيال حسن التدبير..
وأما التاسعة والعاشرة:
فلا تعصين له أمراً ولا تفشين له سراً..
فإنك إن خالفت أمره أوغرت صدره وإن أفشيت سره لم تأمني غدره..
ثم إياك والفرح بين يديه إن كان مهتما والكآبة بين يديه إن كان فرحاً.
"O my daughter, if it were deemed unnecessary to give you this advice because of good manners and noble descent, then it would have been unnecessary for you, because you possess these qualities.
However, it is a reminder for the heedless (or forgetful) and a useful tool for the intelligent (wise).
O my daughter, if a woman were able to do without a husband by virtue of her parent’s wealth and their great need for her, then you of all people would be most able to do without a husband, but women were created for men just as men were created for women.
O my daughter, you are about to leave the home in which you grew up, where you first learned to walk, to go to a place you do not know, to a companion with whom you are unfamiliar.
He has become, by his authority (and right) over you, an overseer and a king.
So be a [female] slave to him and he will be a willing [male] slave to you.
My dear daughter, take from me ten qualities and they will be for you an asset and a reminder:
The first and second of them are: Be content in his company, and listen to and obey him, for contentment brings peace of mind, and listening to and obeying one’s husband pleases Allah.
The third and fourth of them are: make sure that you smell good and look good, safeguard where his eyes land and safeguard what his nose smells, so that his eyes never see anything ugly from you and his nose never smells any repugnant odor (i.e., he should never witness anything but a pleasant smell from you). Kohl is the best make-up (beautification) and water (i.e., good hygiene) is better than the rarest perfume.
The fifth and the sixth of them are: safeguard his meal times and keep tranquil his sleep times; for the heat of hunger is infuriating and deprivation of sleep is irritating.
The seventh and eighth of them are: safeguard his home and his money and take good care of him, his relatives, and take care of his children. Safeguarding his wealth is a sign of good judgement and taking care of his children and servants (or employees) and relatives is a sign of good management.
The ninth and tenth of them are: never disclose any of his secrets, and never disobey any of his orders. For if you disclose any of his secrets you will never feel safe from his possible betrayal, and if you disobey him, his heart will be filled with hatred towards you and he will resent you.
Beware of displaying joy when he is upset and do not show sorrow or sadness when he is happy. The former is irresponsibility which shows lack of judgement and the latter is antagonistic which will make him unhappy.
The more you honor him, the more veneration he will have for you; the more you are in (mutual) agreement with him (in all that is permissible and good), the more he will enjoy your companionship and conversation."
[The Advice of Umāmah bint al-Hārith to her daughter Umm Iyyās when she was being sent off to her husband on the Night of her Marriage. Source: Bulūgh al-Arb by al-Alūsī 2/19]
For some American Muslims, Umamah and her daughter Umm Iyyās would be mocked as weak self-hating women, brainwashed by the patriarchy, and suffering from "false consciousness."
Become "a slave" to my husband???
Never!
I'd rather be a strong, independent, empowered woman who can do it all on her own! Men ain't $%#@!
But what these feminists are missing is the second half on the equation:
"...And he will willingly become a slave to you."
Be good to him. He'll be good to you.
Allah says in His book,
الْخَبِيثَاتُ لِلْخَبِيثِينَ وَالْخَبِيثُونَ لِلْخَبِيثَاتِ ۖ وَالطَّيِّبَاتُ لِلطَّيِّبِينَ وَالطَّيِّبُونَ لِلطَّيِّبَاتِ...
"Vile women are for vile men, and vile men are for vile women; and good women are for good men, and good men are for good women..." (Surat An-Nur, 26)