Friday, May 25, 2012

Raising Children

Some Dos and Don'ts for the Parents (collected from multiple sources) :

1. Establish love and fear of Allah from an early age. Link love of Allah with positive behaviour and fear of Allah with negative behaviour. Don't overdo this by linking these to trivial actions.

2. Reward them for every positive (good) action they do. Also reward them for refraining from every negative (bad) action. Rewards could be words of praise/thanks/appreciation, giving presents (only occasionally) etc. Do not attach any worldly presents with acts of worship like Salah, fasting and so on.

3. Do not establish Dos and Don'ts as your command. Establish as commands of Allah. Like "Allah says not to lie" and so on.

4. Establish a child's view of Heaven and Hell in their mind. Do not use punishment of Allah or Hell to make them do things. Like don't encourage them to pray for the fear of Hell. Only occasionally fear of Allah should be used to discourage them from doing negative actions.

5. Children always test the limits of their parents. So establish your limits and be consistent and firm on those. Children must know that the limits are non-negotiable. But don't be excessive in the matters on which you want to be firm. We must be realistic with what we expect from our children.

6. Punishment to correct the children should be used as last resort when there aren't any positive alternative. Don't punish before you have established your limits to them.

7. Punishment should be in the form of taking away the opportunity to do something that they like doing. If such measure doesn't bear any fruit then physical punishment may be necessary. This should be only symbolic and should not cause pain or injury.

8. Try to make your child feel that he has hurt his beloved parents by his actions. It's not always necessary to point out your child's bad behaviour to them. Sometimes you can just explain to them that how much you would liked the good action that is the opposite of what they have done.

9. Children seek attention. Do not pay too much attention to your child's bad behaviour lest it become a way for them to get your attention.

10. Do not embarrass or shame your child in public. Advise them privately in a warm and caring manner of what they have done wrong.

11. Do not compare between children.

12. Teach them to say sorry to Allah and then to you.

13. Do not say "Bad boy/girl" rather say that the action they did is bad.

14. Beware of setting double standard.

15. Do not impose your likings on your children unless it is something bad that they have chosen.

16. Make sure your children mix with well behaved children.

17. Limit and monitor usage of TV, Games, Computers .......... etc. Make good use of Islamic resources available for these technologies.

18. Last but not the least, be an Islamic role model yourself.


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