Bilal Dannoun is a renowned Islamic and Civil marriage celebrant based in Sydney, Australia. He is an experienced marriage counsellor, offering marital advice with a blend of Islamic texts and modern day research.
General
- Why do you want to get married? What are your expectations?
- Have you been married before? How many times?
- Are you married now?
- Tell me about your education?
- Do you have any particular habits I should know about?
- Would you call yourself an introvert or extrovert?
- What are 5 things that make life wonderful?
- Have you learnt any lessons from a previous relationship?
- “Keep your eyes wide open before marriage and half-shut afterwards.” Is this approach beneficial at times
Relationship
- Do you have a grand vision for your marriage? If so, what is it?
- What are your needs in a relationship?
- What can you offer your spouse; spiritually, emotionally, materially?
- What do you expect from your spouse religious-wise, emotionally, and materially?
- How do you believe the relationship between a husband & wife should be?
- Do you believe that technology would enhance or disrupt your relationship?
- Do you think it’s important to go to bed with your spouse at the same time?
- Could you manage in a relationship that increased your personal power/wealth/social status, even if it lacked somewhat in love?
- When you see me, do you think “There you are!” or “Here I am”?
- Is life too short to stay in a marriage that hurts?
- Would you like for your spouse to share your perspective and world view, or do you enjoy differences?
- What do you perceive as your worst imaginable marriage partner?
- How important is intellectual compatibility to you?
- If trust is broken, are there ways it may be regained?
- It has been said that “A successful marriage requires falling in love many times, always with the same person” (Mignon McLaughlin). What ways can this be achieved?
- Do you think that some things should be left unsaid or is honesty the “best policy”?
- “I never knew what real happiness was until I got married. And by then it was too late.” (Max Kaufman). Do you think these sorts of comments are hurtful or humorous?
- What foundations do you think relationships should be built upon?
- What do you think is the best preparation for a long term committed relationship?
- Do you know how to give comfort?
- What do you think your greatest strength would be as a spouse?
- Describe two things you have in common and two differences (each).
- How do you demonstrate/express love?
- What is the greatest fear that you have for your spouse?
- What things increase feelings of love?
- Do you make assumptions about gender roles? (follow up question: “What role should your spouse have in the relationship?”).
- What is one word that would describe this relationship?
- Prince Phillip once said that “When a man opens the car door for his wife, it is either a new car or a new wife.” How would you rate the importance of manners and etiquette
- in a relationship?
- What means considerably more to you than your significant other?
- To what extent do you think that a sense of individual freedom is a necessary component in a relationship?
- Do you think falling in love is a big part of a relationship?
- If one of us is in the public eye, how can we preserve our relationship?
- Do you believe that there is a fine line between engaging in separate activities that will either enrich or move relationships apart?
- “What counts is not how compatible you are but how you deal with incompatibility” (Leo Tolstoy). How does this quote make you feel?
- Is there a project that you would like to collaborate with your spouse on?
- In what ways do you think mutual encouragement can be facilitated to promote growth for your spouse?
- In what ways would you like your spouse to provide assistance in.
- “Laughter is the shortest distance between two people.” What place does comedy and laughter have in a marriage?
- How do you think power in a marriage should be distributed?
- In which areas are competence and incompetence attractive?
- Is exclusivity a factor in experiencing love?
Religion
- Does religion play a major role in your life? Do you practice its fundamental teachings?
- Can you read the Qur’an in Arabic?
- How many chapters from the Qur’an have you memorised?
- Have you memorised any hadiths from the Prophet (peace be upon him)?
- Do you adopt the ideas of any particular group? If so, why? Since when?
- What is your relationship between yourself and your Muslim brethren in your area?
- Have you ever volunteered for any Islamic, religious or social activities?
- Is there anything in the religion that you feel doesn’t make sense? If so, please give your reasons why.
- What is your stance on meat slaughtered by the people of the book in this country? Do you consider it Halal?
- Do you eat food that contains ‘Gelatin’ that does not have any halal endorsement?
- What would you sacrifice to achieve your goals? Would you bear in mind any Islamic principles or repercussions?
- How does Islam infuse with your life?
- Allah(SWT) encourages to reflect upon his creation. How is your relationship with nature?
Family & Home
- Describe to me an ideal night in.
- What’s the meaning of family for you?
- How is your relationship with each of your family members?
- What do you like to do with your family, and how often?
- What do you expect your relationship with the family of your spouse to be?
- What do you expect your spouse’s relationship with your family to be?
- Is there anyone in your family living with you now?
- Are you planning to have anyone in your family live with you in the future?
- Do you mind having guests in your home on a regular basis?
- What is your opinion of speaking other languages in the home that I do not understand such as with your family or friends?
- What do you believe makes a house, a home?
- Describe to me your dream home.
- In an ideal world, where you would like to live?
- 1Do you have a recipe for fostering a successful relationship with your family (in-laws)?
Friends
- What qualities do you look for in a friend?
- Who are your friends and how did you come to know them? (Identify at least 3)
- What do you like most about them?
- Do you have friends of the opposite sex? What is the level of your relationship with them now?
- What will the level of your relationship with them be after marriage?
- What type of relationship do you want your spouse to have with your friends?
- What sort of relationship would you expect your spouse to have with his/her friends?
- How do you make important and less important decisions in your life?
- It was once said that “Only chose as a mate someone who you would also choose as a friend” (Keith Lamb). Does this statement resonate with you?
- Is it okay to have separate friends that you associate with regularly?
- Do you think it is important for your spouse to approve of your social circle?
- Do you take preference over making new friends or established ones?
Anger, Abuse & Conflict
- Does non-verbal communication play an important part in understanding someone?
- Do you use foul language at home? In public? With family or friends?
- Do your friends or family use foul language?
- How do you expect your spouse to express anger?
- When there is a dispute in your marriage, religious or otherwise, how should the conflict get resolved? When should mediation be initiated?
- Can you let bygones be bygones?
- What things make you angry?
- What offence/action/statement would you find hard to forgive?
- How do you manage anger?
- Do you hear people out before interjecting?
- Is it better to calm differences or to discuss it?
- Can you peacefully agree to disagree on some issues rather than having either one of us sacrifice or conceal beliefs and values?
- Do you think it is something positive to have differing views on “hot-topic” areas (such as politics)?
- When something is wrong, do you pick up a mirror or a magnifying glass?
- Do you process your issues internally or out loud?
- Are problems categorised as mine, yours or ours?
- Do you have any prejudices? What assumptions to you tend to make?
- Is there a subject/area that you will fully avoid for the sake of keeping the peace?
- Do you admit your mistakes?
- Walk me through the way you to conflict or a crisis.
- What would you do if you felt that you had been abused?
- Who would you call for assistance if you were being abused?
- If someone has wronged you, what do you think should be done? How do you want him/her to apologise to you?
- Is there a dignified way to end a relationship?
- Do you find it harder to forgive or forget?
- “A good marriage is the union of two good forgivers.” Are you able to easily forgive?
- Do you collect conflict and injustices?
- Are you able to separate the issue at hand from the person?
- What would you think an “endearing” fault is?
Interests, Talents & Skills
- Describe to me an ideal night out.
- Tell me some of your passions and interests that you have had since you were a child.
- In what ways do you like to relax?
- Are you more of an outdoor or indoor person?
- How do you think your spouse should spend his/her vacations or do in their free time?
- Describe to me how you would spend a “perfect” day/
- Do you prefer routine or spontaneity?
- Have you/Are you being haunted by “if only” questions about your life journey?
- Do you like to read? If so, what sort of books?
- Where is your ideal travel destination and with whom?
- Where would you like to travel together?
- Are you more spontaneous or planned when it comes to having fun?
- When you are leaving for a trip, do you start early or when you are ready?
- How do you prevent boredom in your life?
- Describe to me an environment that will allow your talents and ambitions to come to fruition.
- Do you consider yourself competitive, and if so in what areas?
- In what area are you most creative?
- Do you have a hobby or interest that may have a negative effect on the relationship?
- Are there any social occasions that bore you?
- What skills to you possess?
- Tell me which season of the year you enjoy the most.
Health
- To what degree is physical appearance important to you?
- Do you suffer from any chronic disease or condition?
- Are you willing to take a physical exam by a physician before marriage?
- What is your understanding of proper health and nutrition?
- How do you support your own health and nutrition?
- If I suffer from a disease (or currently am), how will you react to it?
- If I am infertile, what would you do?
- If any of the children are born disabled, how would you react to that?
- Describe to me your relationship with food.
Money
- Do you work? If so, where?
- How do you think that your use of money will change after marriage?
- Do you have any debts now? If so, how are you making progress to eliminate them?
- Do you use credit cards?
- How often do you splurge and on what?
- Do you support the idea of taking Non-Islamic Bank loans to buy a new home?
- What are you expecting from your spouse financially?
- Do you support the idea of a working wife?
- If so, how do you think a dual-income family should manage funds?
- Are you investing in anything at the moment?
- Is there a form of wastefulness that you particularly dislike?
- What are your long term financial goals and how do you plan to achieve them?
- Are you naturally a spender or saver?
- Do you budget your finances? How do you think financial harmony be achieved?
- To what degree is your happiness determined by worldly possessions?
- Is your financial fantasy meeting your financial reality?
- The cooperative shopping couple-reality or myth?
Work & Life
- Do you love your job, pragmatically do your job, loathe your job or do your best to ignore it?
- Does a career take precedence over a relationship?
- Should changes that will impact on life be opportunities to be explored and embraced, or is it better to maintain the status quo?
- It is a waste of time to…
- What are some pros and cons of working together in any respect?
Children
- Do you want to have children? If not, how come?
- If yes, ideally, how many children would you like to have?
- Does it matter whether they are girls or boys?
- Your top 5 principles of parenting?
- Do you support the idea of utilising baby sitters and/or maids?
- To the best of your understanding, are you able to have children?
- Do you want to have children in the first two years of marriage? If not, when?
- Do you believe in abortion?
- Do you have children now? If so, what is your relationship with them now (and their other parent)?
- What kind of relationship would you expect your spouse to have with your children and their parent?
- How would you like to raise your children? i.e.: morals, extra-curricular activities, education, friends etc.
- What is the best method(s) of disciplining children? Do you believe in spanking children? Under what circumstances?
- What type of relationship do you want your children to have with all their grandparents?
- What type of relationship should your children have with non-Muslim classmates/friends?
- How do you think children should be educated?
- Do you believe in public, private (any) or private Islamic school for your children?
- Do you believe in home schooling for your children?
You
- How were you raised/disciplined? Do you like the way you were raised?
- Do you have any particular insecurities about anything?
- What is your idea of an ideal wedding (Walima) celebration?
- They say that ‘Being heard is so close to being loved.’ Are you an active listener?
- Can you make an anagram of your name?
- Tell me about a recent stumbling block you experienced.
- Tell me about a stepping experience you experienced.
- When is it best to give you space?
- What do you believe are the 3 most important influences that make who you are?
- On a scale of 1-10, how tidy would you say you are?
- Are you someone who is punctual and upholds appointments?
- Do you say “yes” or “no” more often?
- Are you good at communicating your daily schedule and appointments to others?
- Were conflicts dealt with in a positive manner when you were growing up? How much of your attitude towards conflict changed since then?
- What things contribute to your personal happiness?
- It is said that “Example is not the main thing in influencing others. It is the only thing” (Albert Schweitzer). Do you lead by example or explanation?
- What was your first impression when we met?
- Are you possessive or sharing?
- Considering that an indicator of future behaviour is reflection on past behaviour. Do you reflect and examine yours?
- If you feel alone in the world, what do you do?
- What habit would you like to modify?
- Do you have a recurring dream or nightmare?
- When and why have you felt suddenly older?
- Is there a topic you tend to over-think?
- Do you tend to be thoughtless or forgetful in a particular area?
- How do you think you can make ordinary conversations extraordinary?
- Do you give clear requests?
- Do you like to discuss multiple or singular topics at the one time?
- Do you take advice easily?
- What things cause you anxiety?
- Tell me of a situation where you showed courage.
- Do you prefer to be nurtured or admired?
- How do you like to be cared for when you are sick?
- “I like not only to be loved, but to be told that I am loved; the realm of silence is large enough beyond the grave.” (George Elliot). How often do you like feelings reaffirmed?
- What are three moments in your childhood that stand out to you?
- Are you an early bird or a night owl?
- Do you practice self-reflection? If so, how?
- Tell me what makes you feel appreciated.
- Are you one for pet names?
- Positivism and negativity. What one to you tend to give and what one do you think you receive?
- How do you like to be approached when you are out of sorts?
- Would you prefer to work through painful memories or repress them?
What gives you hope?
Aspiration & Goals
- What are your thoughts of the future?
- How much time have you spent in the past in preparation for the future?
- If you could devote all your life for a cause, what would it be?
- Where do you focus?
- To what do you aspire?
- How do you see yourself living your life as a retiree?
- Do you think that it is important for spouses to share mutual goals and priorities?
- “Grow old with me. The best is yet to be-the last of life for which the first was made”. What rewards do you hope of gaining during old age in a marriage?
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